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Asexuals (14 posts)
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supporter graphic  tripod2000
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http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-16552173

Could you date someone asexual? Isn't she actually just a completely broken member of the human species?

What's your thoughts on asexuals?
quote / posted 17 January 2012 8:14 AM
smurf19
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No, I don't think I could date someone who is asexual, but I also don't think she's broken. In the last 30 years, there's been a lot more normalization of what is considered to be 'alternative' sexualities. We're more accepting of people who are attracted to the same gender, to both genders, etc. Decades ago, those people would have been considered 'broken', or more likely perverted. Why would it be hard to understand that some people just don't feel sexual desire?

Technically, in evolutionary terms, she could be considered broken, since her lack of interest in sex means she'll never procreate. But the same could be said about people who identify as homosexual and I'm hoping we're past calling them broken.
quote / posted 17 January 2012 8:56 AM
DementedLeaf
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quoting: smurf19
Technically, in evolutionary terms, she could be considered broken


...That was my first thought, on seeing "broken".
Ignoring her complaints, though... as far as I'm aware, asexuality is the only orientation capable of being chemically induced. So I'm tempted to think that anyone talking to a medical professional about it should be made aware of the option of tests to see if it's (at least partially) that, but assuming that's the only possible cause doesn't seem entirely sensible.

Anyway, I dunno. I tend to be insecure and physical interaction is the most effective way of reducing it — that and I enjoy it, with the right people — so I suspect having that kind of limit wouldn't suit me. For a monogamous-type relationship, anyway.
quote / posted 17 January 2012 5:39 PM
Tiresias
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Mark, evolution/natural selection/being able to reproduce children isn't everything. That should be obvious to us humans with our culture and shit.

I basically think that all people should be allowed, without judgement, to form just the right types of relationships for themselves -- whether that involves any one or combination of being gay, straight, bisexual, asexual, aromantic, polyamorous/open, forever alone, monogamous, swinger?...y, one-night-stand-y... whatever other terms or lack of terms you're into. And one's relationship inclinations are allowed to change, too. It's all good as long as everyone involved remains in the loop.

I have a friend who says he is pretty much asexual, but still wants to have a romantic/physical relationship with another dude. He does not consider himself broken. I have another friend who is definitely sexual and attracted to other people, but he does not wish to have any kinds of sexual or romantic connections due to poor family upbringing which has made him think he would not be good at intimacy of any sort (essentially all his words). No matter what someone's reason is for not pursuing relationships with others, even if they *could* be different, I think they should be respected.

Since I don't wish to be monogamous and everybody ever involved with me in any way beyond platonic friendship knows this, I would be fine with dating someone asexual -- if there was some other kind of mutual attraction, naturally. That's not to say that an asexual partner would be somehow less important to me just because I don't have sex with them... everybody is irreplaceable and unique.

[This post edited by Tiresias on 18 January 2012 ]

quote / posted 18 January 2012 9:46 AM
Tiresias
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Ok, so I actually just read the article, which was really awesome written. Mad props to the couple in question for deciding for themselves what they'd like.

I also found this particular passage curious:

quote:
"[Romantic asexuals] don't experience sexual attraction, but they do experience romantic attraction. So they will look at someone and they won't respond sexually to them, but they might want to get closer to them, to find out more about them, to share things with them."



I've actually definitely experienced this with certain people. I find them nice to look at and intriguing, and I really want to be physically close to them but I don't really feel any sexual urges. I've always thought I was weird for this. Perhaps there's a romantic asexual side to me as well. Heh.
quote / posted 18 January 2012 9:59 AM
billybob_george
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I've had that, too. I think that's normal, really. You can be intrigued by/want to cuddle/want to understand someone without also wanting to bone them. Most of my Hollywood crushes are that way. Razz

That said, asexuality is definitely something that can be caused by hormonal problems, and I do think one who seems to be asexual should be checked out medically, whether or not they actually want to change who they are, because there are some perhaps-concerning reasons why hormone levels could be off.

THAT said, I do definitely think that there are people who that is not the case for, and they should be treated just like anybody else. Could I date an asexual? Honestly? Probably. Sex is important in a relationship to me, but that's because I've never been in a relationship with someone who identifies as asexual. I'm perfectly capable of handling my own sexual needs.
quote / posted 21 January 2012 4:51 PM
DementedLeaf
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Hah... Shelly, I may possibly get that with you and a few of my other friends... though I generally wouldn't be against naked stuff — it just wouldn't be a top priority. I think once I get to a certain level of friendship with someone, I'd be — at least theoretically — amenable to doing stuff, whether it's how I want to be with them or not.

But then I start wondering if I ever really want that with anyone and it gets confusing.
quote / posted 22 January 2012 10:48 AM
billybob_george
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I totally get that with you, Leila. We've done our fair share of cuddling. wink!
quote / posted 23 January 2012 12:32 AM
supporter graphic  Dante
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The one thing that always bothered me about natural selection is the predilection that life is inherently advantageous. That philosophical statement is counter intuitive evolution being propelled by random events.

I identify myself as asexual so stop here before i start sounding like i'm defending it.
quote / posted 23 January 2012 8:54 AM
Tiresias
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Hahaha. That first sentence in your post is great.

In fact, welcome to my profile quotes.

[This post edited by Tiresias on 23 January 2012 ]

quote / posted 23 January 2012 10:43 AM
DementedLeaf
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quoting: billybob_george
I totally get that with you, Leila. We've done our fair share of cuddling. wink!



...I'm going to be really nice and not make public certain choice quotes from the visit Laughing!
quote / posted 23 January 2012 12:13 PM
CanadianChick
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quoting: billybob_george
I've had that, too. I think that's normal, really. You can be intrigued by/want to cuddle/want to understand someone without also wanting to bone them. Most of my Hollywood crushes are that way. Razz

That said, asexuality is definitely something that can be caused by hormonal problems, and I do think one who seems to be asexual should be checked out medically, whether or not they actually want to change who they are, because there are some perhaps-concerning reasons why hormone levels could be off.

THAT said, I do definitely think that there are people who that is not the case for, and they should be treated just like anybody else. Could I date an asexual? Honestly? Probably. Sex is important in a relationship to me, but that's because I've never been in a relationship with someone who identifies as asexual. I'm perfectly capable of handling my own sexual needs.

I agree with it can be caused by hormonal problems. I believe also mental problems could cause it.

When I was younger, maybe 13-17ish, I considered myself asexual. Throughout the years of life experience and getting to know myself, I've found that underneath everything, I'm a very sexual person and I just needed to know myself and be comfortable with myself before I could be the person I'm meant to be...

I did definitely have issues with my hormones; I have PCOS and have been struggling to get it normal since I was 12-13. (I am the healthiest I've ever been in every way for my body and mind right now! things are going well finally)

and I've always had depression (dysthemia, and my psychiatrist I started to see earlier this year started giving me medication for bipolar that I just weaned myself off of), so I really think it's a combination of the two.

I do not have a normal sex drive still though, it's still something I work on. I switch between hyperactive and hypoactive, very drastic, and hard for boyfriends to deal with sometimes. that has been getting better lately as well though Smile

[This post edited by CanadianChick on 24 January 2012 ]

quote / posted 24 January 2012 8:59 PM
supporter graphic  tripod2000
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Awesome sauce, L. Glad to hear things are getting better.

Do you believe that the asexualism was an issue/symptom then?
quote / posted 25 January 2012 12:53 AM
CanadianChick
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quoting: tripod2000
Awesome sauce, L. Glad to hear things are getting better.

Do you believe that the asexualism was an issue/symptom then?


Yes, I'm not quite sure if it was from the hormones or mental issues, or both though.
quote / posted 25 January 2012 8:38 PM

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