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Forum Index > Angst & Advice > Sexuality
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DementedLeaf
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Click for profile 		Talking to old friends again has made me notice some things recently, so I'm curious about your opinions on the general ideas behind them...

As far as I'm aware, there's a fair bit of (at least anecdotal) evidence suggesting that sexuality can be somewhat fluid, generally more so in women than men.
This works with my experience of things pretty well, especially as I'm pretty sure I remember having no sexual interest in females at all several years ago, and now it's closer to equal interest in males and females.

On to the other question: What about gender identity? Can that also be a relatively fluid thing, in some people?
See, I'm wondering about this at least partially because of two friends of mine. I've known them for about six years and both have recently... for lack of better phrasing, come out about thinking of themselves as genderqueer.
Anyway, there wasn't any hint of it, with one of them, when we were first getting to know each other and the four(ish) years after that. With the other, there were always jokes, but I never really took them seriously.
...Maybe I'm just unobservant, or my teenage self was too sheltered to see it. Don't know.

Any thoughts? In general, I mean. Do feel free to not bother with trying to analyse my friends; they're a bit weird at the best of times.
quote / posted 23 December 2011 2:47 PM
Brutal+Unicorn
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Click for profile 		Judith Butler would have a great response to this.
quote / posted 23 December 2011 10:52 PM
supporter graphic  Un-Jelli
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Click for profile 		Hmmmm, I really like this topic, in that I find it very interesting.

I think that perhaps both always knew that they didn't belong in their biologically determined gender, but didn't know enough terminology/ about gender identity to feel as though they could say what they felt. Perhaps they figured that since they didn't feel transgendered, they assumed that they were just uncomfortable with traditional gender roles?
quote / posted 25 December 2011 8:47 PM
supporter graphic  tripod2000
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Click for profile 		I think there's probably a fluidity from sexual awakening into a persons 30's. I have a friend who's father is post op after a number of years of marriage so think it may well go further in age.

What I think happens from the kind of conversations I've had and what I've seen I think sexuality is as fluid as any other world view.

i.e. I dated a girl who was bisexual but then found Jesus and decided that whilst it wasn't wrong it wasn't right for her anymore. For her I think she was just genuinely confused and took time to find what she wanted.

I went on a couple of dates with a girl who claimed to be bisexual, she went on to do lots of drugs, star in porn and get knocked up by her dealer. She's now respectable, motherly and looking for a good man to settle down with. I think her sexuality was fuelled by rebellion and trying to be like her mother (her mother would talk about how she experimented with women as a young teen)

A good friend of mine was fairly sheltered and conservative about sex. In the 5 years I've known her she's gone from very shy to being very open about her sex life. Her boyfriend has previously been to swinging nights (when discussing Ann Summers Party questions the girls had he points out that to him having sex with 6 people on a bed isn't weird) and is himself bisexual. For her I think her eyes are open and her opinions of sex as something between two people have changed, her eyes have been opened to possibility.

So I think there are many reasons that we float around the spectrum of sexuality. I don't think it's a case of a graph where we can only be rational and real or imaginary. Sexuality is complex and irrational.



Although there is clearly a line and on this side of it we ain't gay!
quote / posted 27 December 2011 3:42 PM
DementedLeaf
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quoting: tripod2000

I went on a couple of dates with a girl who claimed to be bisexual, she went on to do lots of drugs, star in porn and get knocked up by her dealer. She's now respectable, motherly and looking for a good man to settle down with. I think her sexuality was fuelled by rebellion and trying to be like her mother (her mother would talk about how she experimented with women as a young teen)


I... don't really see any changes to sexuality here, necessarily. I mean, it's not like one has to want to be in a relationship with a girl to fantasise about sex with them, for example. Obviously I don't know her, but that kind of situation just generally doesn't really mean anything in terms of sexuality, just going by what you've said.


quote:
to him having sex with 6 people on a bed isn't weird


Sounds kinda inconvenient to me. I mean, a double can fit three people, but what size would you need for six? shocked!


Anjali... that sounds fairly convincing. I may possibly pester them about it a bit more if they're ok with it. Humans really are kinda fascinating...
quote / posted 28 December 2011 1:30 PM
supporter graphic  tripod2000
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Click for profile 		I guess in the situation the closest she came was kissing and fondling women and begging me and my ex for a threesome.

quote:
Sounds kinda inconvenient to me. I mean, a double can fit three people, but what size would you need for six?


Well you can get those super king size ones. Watched real wife swap once (because at the time the camera crew were filming one of the couples my girlfriend at the time was babysitting up stairs) and this swingers party seemed to have padding/matresses in the middle of the floor in place. The guy (almost wrote his name. oops) may have meant something like that.
quote / posted 28 December 2011 4:08 PM
supporter graphic  Un-Jelli
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quoting: DementedLeaf

Humans really are kinda fascinating...


It's why I went into psychology!
quote / posted 28 December 2011 7:23 PM

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