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moonflower
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[This post edited by moonflower on 05 November 2011 ]

quote / posted 07 October 2011 12:01 PM
Tiresias
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Click for profile 		It sounds like you've taken every reasonable precaution in the book and more. You say that you and your friend are honest and genuine people, and she's given you a rather nice go-ahead after having gone and thought about it for a while. What more do you need? It is entirely possible for people to be happy with their friends dating former little crushes of theirs. We are not all just selfish.

Besides, she's leaving the country, and she's into another guy already. I think you're *really* quite safe. You can also keep checking in with her every once in a while, but ultimately you'll have to trust that she'll sort out her own (I think highly unlikely) possible resentments or that she'll talk to you about them. If she gets all pissy and abandony at you then you're really better off without her in the long run.

Also, are you not holding your breath because you're not expecting us to give you helpful advice? ;)
quote / posted 07 October 2011 12:20 PM
moonflower
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Click for profile 		haha, oops it does sound like I meant it that way, but I was actually referring to no one probably caring about my dumb and incessant boy posts. very helpful though, and exactly what I want to hear!! thanks... I just obsess over things and really really don't want to be a bad friend. Maybe I'm just watching too much reality tv where girls are lying passive aggressive back-stabbers, and I forget I would never actually have friends that act that way.
quote / posted 07 October 2011 12:53 PM
billybob_george
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Click for profile 		I was in a similar, but not quite identical situation which ended really badly for the friendship.

I semi-dated a guy, but after a small amount of kissing I realized there wasn't anything there and we retreated into 'just friends' territory. He said he was completely chill with that and even set me up with his brother a while later. His brother and I really hit it off, which lead to, among other things, my friend freaking out, trying to get all up on me while drunk (it was my 21st, I was drunk--he wasn't), and telling me he's in love with me, threatening his own brother, and contacting my best friend (Kieran) to try to talk him into telling me to not date his brother, even telling his brother lies about how I kept hitting on him and such.

WASN'T PLEASANT.

...but totally worth it, because I married his brother, and now, more than a year after all of that drama and no contact with my "friend", things are starting to get a bit normal.


But really, the best thing to do is trust your friend, and whereas she supported you, she won't be around it (like, slap in the face style, if she did still have feelings--something I kind of dropped the ball on).. and you really think you could have something with the guy, I say go for it. It didn't work out for my friendship, but I did find my husband and I wouldn't change what happened for anything.

[This post edited by billybob_george on 07 October 2011 ]

quote / posted 07 October 2011 1:20 PM
moonflower
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quoting: billybob_george
It didn't work out for my friendship, but I did find my husband and I wouldn't change what happened for anything.

[This post edited by billybob_george on 07 October 2011 ]




hahaha, I really don't know how this should make me feel. It's simultaneously the most outlandishly worst and best case scenarios, all in one!
quote / posted 07 October 2011 1:41 PM
billybob_george
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Click for profile 		Yep, and even better, I had a heart-to-heart with my now-brother-in-law recently and he wanted me to know he's getting professional help for the way he handles situations with people he cares about! So.. err. a happy ending for him, too. Erm. Sort of.
quote / posted 07 October 2011 2:53 PM
Brutal+Unicorn
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Click for profile 		I think Ivan's right, you've taken every precaution you can and handled the situation well. I'm in a similar situation in that a guy I kind of dated over the summer/had feelings for/had sex with twice called it quits and now he is dating my best friend.

I didn't have much hesitation over it because I knew he and I were done and I just had a hunch that they were much more compatible, and I realized whom I was better suited to be with as well. So she and I had a good discussion about it and we both talked about our reservations with the situation to make sure we were on the same page, and two months later they are head over heels for each other and I'm pleased as punch.

So yeah, I think that it can spell disaster if you are sneaky about it or what have you, but if you're open and honest about it, there's a good chance that you can preserve the friendship and everything will be fine.

Best of luck. Smile
quote / posted 09 October 2011 8:44 PM
moonflower
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Click for profile 		It's going great so far Smile I was over-reacting but... I'd rather over-react on this than under-react and potentially be a jerk or bad friend.
quote / posted 18 October 2011 2:34 PM

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