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Friends Forever! Except.... (7 posts)
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NotTheEnemy
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So I had a best friend growing up-- Coming up in October we'd have known each other 12 or 13 years. Unfortunately, we both hit rocky times at the same time about...4 years ago and our communication since then has been little, if not none. I friended her on Facebook like a year ago, kept an eye out for updates, so on.... Eventually I came to the conclusion that she was out of those hard times, and I was too and therefore, maybe it was time to rekindle a friendship.

So on...Tuesday? I left a message to call me, she sent me her number, I called we talked, caught up. It was like old times, talking about this and that.

I get a call the next day asking me for a favor. And here's the favor.

She's moved to South Carolina with her boyfriend and their two kids, staying with her boyfriends mom. His sister also stays there, with her two kids. This is a one bedroom, and apparently the mom isn't that nice to her or their kids.

She wanted to know if I could go pick her up, with her kids and boyfriend. Apparently she isn't welcome there, and she offered to pay my gas for the trip. She asked me to drop her and her family off in a shelter in jacksonville because all the shelters she said around there have no open beds. I guess she also has a friend in jacksonville. I live in tampa, FL, a few hours more south of jacksonville.

My car is new, from my grandmother, but I'm not sure if I want to keep it or trade it in for something more economical.

Also, I don't really get along with her boyfriend, it's partly what drove s appart initally. It's been years and she's still with him, but it doesn't mean I am, nor do I really trust him. He's got a record (and an anarchy symbol tattooed on adams apple...lovely man.

So she contacted me today again, and asked if it would be okay to stay with me on monday or tuesday if she found a way here. I only have a 660sqft apartment and I already have my ex / friend staying with me. I'm unemployed, don't have much to offer, and it's hard enough to live with an ex, let alone an ex who doesn't like kids or strange people, and that's what will come along.

I'm not really trying to appease him, so it's not a his wishes over mine. I'm really leary of them coming to stay...I know the laws and if someone is invited as a guest you can't kick them out really, if they choose to stay. It's a process, I've gone through it before.

Maybe I'm distrustful, maybe I've grown up. But it just seems like a bad idea, even though if it were just her-- selfish as that might be-- I'd let her stay. I don't have kids for a reason though, and I'm just getting my life to a place where I'm comfortable with my set up. Throwing this kind of thing into the equation could potentially change everything I'm doing.

In addition, it hasn't gotten better over the years, trusting people. If anything, my faith in people has kind of diminished over time. I've been lied to, stolen from, decieved, used...so on. So it's really hard to not pick it apart and see what could go wrong.

I could just be over analyzing it, or being paranoid, but how can I tell her this, nicely, that it wouldn't work out.
quote / posted 30 September 2011 1:36 PM
Tiresias
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Why are they coming to your town anyway? Is she asking to stay with you because they're so desperate they'll take any shelter wherever it's offered?
quote / posted 30 September 2011 3:13 PM
billybob_george
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Considering your usual propensity for being taken advantage of, I think it's a step in the right direction to put your foot down. You don't have to offer a lot of detail, you can just tell her it wouldn't work out.
quote / posted 30 September 2011 3:57 PM
NotTheEnemy
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She's from florida to start, I think she's trying to make her way to support, like some of the family she has down south where we are both from. When I first talked to her and she said jacksonville, I believe she said she had a friend there. I think she is just desperate to get out of his mom's house; like I said I haven't spoken to her in 4 years so I don't know every detail of the past years but it seems like she's always been on the edge of being kicked out of somewhere. She specifically said she just wants to go to a shelter before, if it's jacksonville, tampa, wherever... but now it was "Can I stay with you monday or tuesday if I get there" which to me, seems very sketchy. Why just stay a day, why not keep moving and get home... Or take a bus/flight that TAKES you there in the first place.

She can be a little pushy, Shelly, and I'm just fearing she'll ask why or something, and I'm a bad turner-downer (see my propensity for being taken advantage of :-P) and I feel like I'd start to fumble in my turning down if she presses. So I'm playing the old avoidance game cause my phone is off at the moment...
quote / posted 30 September 2011 5:58 PM
NotTheEnemy
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Yes, to repeat. I have a problem saying no.
quote / posted 30 September 2011 5:59 PM
Add_Ellen
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Two things:

1) Ally, you should tell her that you are not in the position to help out with this. You've got your life on the straight and narrow and having chaos like this isn't something you need. You don't have to feel guilty about it, it's for your health.

2) Nowt wrong with the anarchist symbol! I am a friendly anarchist *waves*
quote / posted 01 October 2011 10:54 AM
NotTheEnemy
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Totally nothing wrong with the anarchist symbol. Putting it smack center in your neck though, under your face and above your shoulders where it can't be concealed.. I think that's just a little "I WANT to be in your face." He hasn't held a job in forever, and not that tattooed people should be descriminated because they are tattooed, but that tattoo, about 3 inches, holds him back. But I also just don't like him.

And problem was resolved, she went to a shelter.
quote / posted 02 October 2011 10:53 PM

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