quoting: moonflower

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quoting: neukoln

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quoting: Add_Ellen

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All of this is ridiculous. The gender binary is constructed and some of you seem to have internalised the controlling mechanisms that it provokes.Why should a woman have to wait a prescribed amount of time for sex at risk of not being respected? That's patriarchal bullshit right there.

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http://www.teenbar.net/showthread.php?483-How-long-do-you-wait-between-two-dates&highlight=profile MORE PEOPLE TAKING GENDER STUDIES/QUEER STUDIES, PLEASE! For gods sake, it should be a high school graduation requirement.

Any guy, ANY GUY, who thinks you are suddenly less worthy of respect for being attracted to them and wanting to fuck, when they in return are attracted to you and want to fuck, is an arrogant, self-righteous, confused, macho piece of junk. They can't or won't see you as another human being, they expect women to meet their strange narrative ideal of the princess, the feminist, the sweetheart, etc. They are not fucking you, they are fucking the role you play in their own narrative. They are incapable of seeing you for you past their bullshit-gender-construct sunglasses.

There are a bunch of other reasons why having sex with someone impulsively can be a less an ideal decision [makes for a strange relationship beginning - boundaries get blurry - false intimacy]. But that reason should never be "Because I don't want him to think I'm a slut / I'm easy / I'm not dateable."

If you like him and you want to sleep with him - hoist sail, sister. If you don't feel like having sex, wait until you do feel like having sex, and then get crazy.

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COMPLETELY agree, in THEORY, to both of you. Just for the record, I did in fact major (or somewhere between major and minor) in gender studies. I am well aware that all of this is bullshit and none of it SHOULD matter. I don't think it's good, I don't like worrying about it, but sadly what I've learned (or at least thought I learned for a while there) from a brutal year single and dating, is you have to play the bullshit game, and this is part of it.

In addition, we can take all the gender studies we want, but the reality is that once you leave the cozy walls of liberal arts university, you're back in a world where people do base their actions on a series of sexist (and other ists) stereotypes, and you have to find a way to navigate it in a practical sense.

I'll admit I was pretty lost for a while there. I don't think I should be judged on my sexual history, etc, but it's a reality, sometimes. Maybe you've been dating a lot better people than I have, because it's seriously hard not to get caught up in it and dangerously jaded when all you encounter are people that make you feel bad for one reason or another. Clearly I have my own issues to work on.

Shocker, I'm on to a new guy now who is actually reminding me there are good people out there that are not interested in the sick manipulative games I've been accustomed to this past year. It's really refreshing.

[This post edited by moonflower on 31 October 2011 ]

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[This post edited by billybob_george on 25 February 2012 ]