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am i stalking you? (21 posts)
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69_02
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Click for profile 		I like posting here because it reminds me of being fifteen: a "should i text him?" type of thread... glad to see some things never EVER CHANGE ARGH.

but to be honest i would really like some perspective on this... i don't really like talking about it in real life because i feel the more i talk about it the more it becomes a 'thing' and then people start asking about it and then i start asking MYSELF about it and blargh, anyway...

i've been seeing someone for sort of a while (since late jan perhaps) - but in a very sort of sporadic way. we're definitely not 'fuck buddies' (though i can't get enough of his sex) as we go out to clubs together, have met each others friends and things like that.

more often than not, it is me that contacts him / facilitates us seeing each other so i constantly feel a bit like he's not that into it. howevvver, i do know that he told his friend that he really liked me, and when we are together he definitely acts as though he does.

basically. here lies the dilemma: he's going to london this weekend and i was supposed to go next weekend but for various life reasons (real ones!) am coming back early, so we'll be in london at the same time. he asked me to recommended places to go out etc. im just a bit like, if i text him telling him im gonna be there and does he want to do something he might get the impression that i've followed him there because im so in love with him i am obsessed? (im not.)

what do YOU think - if you were this boy, what would you think? i mean, he's not gonna be alone, he's going with at least one other friend and they're staying with some people the friend knows, so its not like otherwise he'd be trailing the streets all by himself and i'm the only other option....

apologies for being such a girl.
quote / posted 05 April 2011 12:44 PM
69_02
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Click for profile 		+ i don't wanna crash his holiday / but i think he sees his minibreak as comprising mainly of drink drugs and dancing
quote / posted 05 April 2011 12:45 PM
Tiresias
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Click for profile 		Just explain why you're coming back early, and isn't it nice that maybe you guys can hang out in London together, but no pressure to do so. "We can hang out if you'd like, but no worries if not" would cover that last part just fine. He's not going to think you're chasing after him. If he does, he's really got no reason to do so, and there's not much you can do about that. But anyway, he sounds like a nice guy who likes you and don't seem to be acting at all stalker-y.
quote / posted 05 April 2011 1:19 PM
ThePsychedelicFactory
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Click for profile 		My first comment? You're usually the guy in this situation, I think. I don't mean that in a critical way, I just think that you're usually the one who is less keen than the guy. As a result I imagine your 'I don't want to look too keen' threshhold is much higher than your average girl, if that makes sense. Your perception of keen is probably just what most of us crazy girls are like the rest of the time.

You legitimately do have to be home, I doubt he'll think you're following him. Just be like 'hey fancy the chances!' and say you're back 'cause X got complicated. Say you totally understands if he wants to hang out with his friends and explore himself, but if he fancies the company of a local, you'll be free. If you don't wanna sound too keen you could be like 'Cause of X stuff that I am going home for I'm not exactly sure when I'd be free, but I could let you know'.
quote / posted 05 April 2011 1:31 PM
69_02
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Click for profile 		oh god, yeah, it is really is that simple isn't it?!
haaa, that sounds ridiculously sarcastic but it's really not... thanks guys! majorly helped in putting it in perspective.

aah and ruth how i wish that were true! i think im chronically afflicted with the girl paradox of only liking the boys that don't like me...
quote / posted 05 April 2011 4:18 PM
Add_Ellen
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Click for profile 		Listen to Ivan. Ivan is wise.
quote / posted 06 April 2011 6:42 PM
Tiresias
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Click for profile 		It's much easier to give sensible advice to others than to yourself! I worry about these sorts of things all the time too.

[This post edited by Tiresias on 06 April 2011 ]

quote / posted 06 April 2011 7:42 PM
DementedLeaf
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quoting: 69_02
i think im chronically afflicted with the girl paradox of only liking the boys that don't like me...


In my experience, that's generally part of why I'm interested in them.
quote / posted 06 April 2011 8:15 PM
69_02
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Click for profile 		....they ended up being four seats away from me on my very eurostar this morning. /stalker!
quote / posted 07 April 2011 5:48 PM
sparkles
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Click for profile 		haaa, life. did he see you? did you hang out yet?
quote / posted 07 April 2011 6:03 PM
69_02
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Click for profile 		ohh yeah i ran straight into his friend and i was a trampy hungover mess, haaa. not today, maybe we make party tomorrow. i was super awkward and he had to be the adult and come over and say hi therrrre towards the end of the journey....
quote / posted 07 April 2011 6:12 PM
moonflower
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Click for profile 		ugh, hope this worked out. I'm having a very similar issue with the guy I am/was sleeping with... it's the first time I've ever really done the casual sex thing and I'm not sure how I feel about it/him.

But I'm completely paranoid about not seeming too into it, with the texting, etc. I am always initiating, so I stopped and a couple weeks went by so I figured it was done.

Then the other day he tells me he really likes me and now that school's done maybe it doesn't have to be just casual. But he was also drunk and hitting on me so I didn't really feel it was the time to bare my soul to him or anything.

Then later that night he made out with my friend while we were all at the bar, which didn't impress me very much.

And I just feel silly for caring about ANY of it cause I know I'm better than this. So I can relate.
quote / posted 09 April 2011 12:37 PM
supporter graphic  MajorCrash
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Click for profile 		If you didn't tell him you wanted something not casual, how is he supposed to know you'd be upset if he made out with someone else?
quote / posted 09 April 2011 1:54 PM
DementedLeaf
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Click for profile 		I think I'd be kinda annoyed if someone was seeming all interested and "maybe we could get serious!" then appeared to transfer that interest to someone else, assuming exclusivity's expected.

But what did you actually tell him, if it wasn't that you're possibly interested?
quote / posted 09 April 2011 2:24 PM
moonflower
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Click for profile 		I kind of avoided giving a straight answer, partly because I really don't know what I want. But also because in the same breath he was also trying to convince me to have sex with him in the basement of our school. So I really wasn't sure if he was being sincere. Think how much worse I'd feel if I HAD said 'yeah I really like you too" and then he had made out with her. I know it may not have happened that way, but knowing this guy, it well could have.

It's also not that I'm all that upset. But he was talking about how we should go home together at the end of the night, and even if it's casual, I think I should have more standards than to go home with a guy who just made out with a friend of mine. Is that unreasonable? (seriously, I'd like to hear opinions)
quote / posted 09 April 2011 5:50 PM
billybob_george
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Click for profile 		He might have felt rejected and needed to lick his wounds.
quote / posted 09 April 2011 5:51 PM
moonflower
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Click for profile 		Yes definitely possible. But I don't really see how I could have done anything differently. I'm ALWAYS the person who gives everything, emotionally, to a guy, only to be slapped in the face with it time and time again. I need to start protecting myself.
quote / posted 09 April 2011 7:05 PM
DementedLeaf
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Click for profile 		Agreeing to go out with someone doesn't necessarily mean that you have to give him your heart or whatever, though... Being reserved at first, that could be sensible. Doesn't have to hurt anyone.
quote / posted 09 April 2011 8:18 PM
69_02
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Click for profile 		that is most definitely not cool. even if you're not 'exclusively' with someone, you don't go and kiss someone else in front of them! i like to think of that sort of situation as being 'exclusively' with them for the night... just because there's no "we are boyfriend and girlfriend", if you've gone to a place together/had something together i like to think you're bound to it (till the clock strikes midnight or whatevs.)

for anyone who cares how it went - quite bizarrely, i ended up taking too many drugs and finding him at about 3am and then all his friends wanted to go home and then we ended up having a semi-conversation about 'us', ish, blaaaaaaaaaaaargh, can't be bothered.
quote / posted 12 April 2011 7:34 AM
Secrets*Untold
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Click for profile 		And now that makes no sense!

[This post edited by Secrets*Untold on 14 April 2011 ]

quote / posted 14 April 2011 4:20 AM

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