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dating multiples, yes or no? (29 posts)
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moonflower
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[This post edited by moonflower on 05 November 2011 ]

quote / posted 07 January 2011 3:44 PM
moonflower
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Click for profile 		to clarify I'm going on this trip for another reason either way, it's not a trip just to see him. Just happens to be near where he lives.
quote / posted 07 January 2011 3:46 PM
Sosse
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Click for profile 		well, to make it short, i would be really upset and angry... but everyone is different...
and i'm basically not the guy who could date two girls at once. i would feel bad about it. but here again, everyone is different... and i don't like such guys ;)

i'm not sure what to suggest you.
quote / posted 07 January 2011 4:13 PM
MissWartooth
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Click for profile 		Usually after you've had sex with one guy its kind of weird to go see another one if the one you've had sex with already is still around. I don't know why but to me it is.
quote / posted 07 January 2011 6:00 PM
Tiresias
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Click for profile 		Yeah... I'm not the best person to offer advice on this Razz This is the point at which I wonder why more people don't see why it's not such a big deal to date several people... also, what if you just straight up asked both the dudes what they think? They could both very will be fine with everything, or be open to discussion.

Anyway, if that's not something you want to try, it does sound like you'd just prefer to see how things went with the first guy. You could see the second guy as a friend.

Edit: By first I mean the dude you've just boned and by second I mean the dude you're gonna see in the other city

[This post edited by Tiresias on 07 January 2011 ]

quote / posted 07 January 2011 6:08 PM
MissWartooth
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Click for profile 		People don't like thinking that they arent "enough" to make you not want to go see someone else before you "decide". Maybe that's just me. Unless they're doing the same thing then its whatever. That said, both my boyfriend and I were boning other people during our talking stage but neither of us like to hear about it.
quote / posted 07 January 2011 7:12 PM
MackLovesChachi
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Click for profile 		We've been compromised!

[This post edited by MackLovesChachi on 19 January 2011 ]

quote / posted 07 January 2011 11:10 PM
sparkles
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quoting: ivan
This is the point at which I wonder why more people don't see why it's not such a big deal to date several people... also, what if you just straight up asked both the dudes what they think? They could both very will be fine with everything, or be open to discussion.
yes yes ..
i dont like all this theorizing and what if's that people do all the time, just ask the guys how they feel about the subject? tactfully of course, its not like you have to say yo i'm fucking another guy and you what do you think, but you could just talk about it. isn't it stressful to have to tiptoe around in your relationship with primary guy because of other-city guy?
quote / posted 07 January 2011 11:27 PM
CaptainPlanet
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Click for profile 		Honestly if i like the girl enough to try and further the relationship by going on multiple dates id have a problem with her seeing (and fucking) some other dude i dont know about.
quote / posted 08 January 2011 1:03 AM
Tiresias
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Click for profile 		What if you knew about him, would that change anything? Razz
quote / posted 08 January 2011 1:59 AM
CaptainPlanet
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Click for profile 		I wouldn't pursue her in that case. I'm attracted to old fashioned good girls.
quote / posted 08 January 2011 2:05 AM
DementedLeaf
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Click for profile 		I don't think I'd be ok with doing it if they didn't both know. At least, not if I were considering keeping the new one.
quote / posted 08 January 2011 2:08 AM
smurf19
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Click for profile 		You said you really like guy #1 and there seems to be potential for it to go somewhere. Guy #2 is fun and you'd likely have a great weekend with him, but you don't see things going anywhere long term. What are you looking for right now? Are you looking to get into a long term relationship, or are you just looking to date casually? Because if it's the former, then going off with guy #2 could negatively impact the possibility of long term with guy #1 (I hope I didn't make that as convoluted as I think I did).

More generally, not necessarily related to your situation, if you're looking to build something long term with one person, boning someone else, even if it's before the whole 'definition' talk, could easily put the kibosh on things.
quote / posted 08 January 2011 9:18 AM
moonflower
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Click for profile 		Good points smurf. I'm not sure what I want right now, though the reality is I don't have time for something serious. Nor does the new guy and it's frustrating that we can't find time to see each other even once a week sometimes.

I haven't slept with the new guy yet though. I don't think I particularly owe him any type of 'fidelity' or whatever, it really is super new, even though I do like him a lot. The second (out of town) one is who I'm more concerned about hurting because though we're definitely not dating, I think he would want to if we were in the same city and I think he likes me a fair bit. I'm thinking of telling him I'm seeing someone and letting him decide if he's still comfortable with meeting up, in whatever capacity (maybe we can hang out but no sex or something, who knows...)

I definitely don't want to be in a situation where I'm being dishonest to anyone. But going up to someone I've had two dates with to tell them I might have sex with someone else seems a bit ridiculous.
quote / posted 08 January 2011 9:31 AM
Tiresias
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Click for profile 		Since you've known the out-of-town guy a bit longer, and you've planned what you both know to be a romantic-type meeting (if I understand you correctly), then I agree that it'd be a good idea, as you suggested, to tell this guy you're seeing someone else. I do hope he'll at least want to meet up with you as a friend.
quote / posted 08 January 2011 2:49 PM
69_02
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Click for profile 		this is very timely, seeing as tonight i got dumped by someone I didn't realise I was 'properly' seeing. the conversation went thus:

him: so. i would like to talk about our relationship
me: umm. ok?
him: i do not want to follow it. i have met a girl i am crazy about.

(... it should be noted that english is not his first language...)
quote / posted 08 January 2011 4:37 PM
69_02
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Click for profile 		anyway - i think you should just tell the other city guy that you'd still like to meet but you are currently seeing someone. let him decide whether he still wants to or not.
quote / posted 08 January 2011 4:38 PM
Add_Ellen
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Click for profile 		COMMUNICATE and be HONEST and all will become clear.

Say to the first guy "Dude, Do you want to be monogamous? I do/don't" If you both do then yay! loves young dream!
If you both decide monogamy isn't for you guys then you can say to the second guy "Mate, I am looking forward to our sexytimes. I'm seeing someone else so I don't think we're gonna be repeating this too often, you cool with that?" and then act appropriately.

That's my poorly structured take on the matter. It's so great when you can be honest with a person and tell them exactly what you want. Then there is no guilt.
quote / posted 09 January 2011 2:01 PM
Add_Ellen
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Click for profile 		Obviously, my script does not nearly cover all of the possibilities, but you get the drift.
quote / posted 09 January 2011 2:01 PM
Brutal+Unicorn
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quoting: Add_Ellen
Say to the first guy "Dude, Do you want to be monogamous? I do/don't" If you both do then yay! loves young dream!


Haha.
quote / posted 09 January 2011 2:09 PM

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