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Forum Index > Creative Imaginings > Poetry

KISS ME (21 posts)

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creepyhermitpoet
(0k) k.Neutral New Member	This one is dedicated to all of the beautiful ladies out there Let me know what you think! KISS ME::::: ~Kiss me under the stars ~On the planet mars ~With our space helmets on ~As we glow of Neon ~Kiss me on a mountain ~Near the water fountain ~Kiss me on a rainbow ~In front of creepy old Joe ~Kiss me on a rocketship ~In a field of parsnip ~Over an open fire ~Filled with marshmallow desire ~At my school ~Cuz that's so cool ~On a table ~In the stable ~On a roof ~We'll fall off and go "POOF" ~In the bushes ~Where the cactus pushes ~In a stream ~If u care to dream ~On the moon ~Hearing the wolves goodnight tune ~In the nests ~Filled with pests ~Damn birds ~If I knew the words ~I'd tell them to get lost ~Outta their nest, we'd get tossed ~In the trees ~Filled with bees ~In a hive ~We'd be eaten alive ~In the shower ~High pressure, water power ~On a couch ~Then we can slouch ~Though your father's ~Oscar the grouch ~How about this slimy plan ~Lets head for his garbage can ~Or a cardboard box ~Where lives, a wild fox ~On a deck ~Where no one would suspect ~In the wild, tall, tall grass ~Where the path of a hobo, we cross ~In the park ~Where it's dark ~I don't care ~How about anywhere ~As long as you're there ~It's time to let down your hair ~Who cares if those pesky storks stare ~My heart's beating so fast, it's gonna tear ~I'll lead by example ~Don't be afraid ~It doesn't hurt ~Though my body is frayed ~The pain feels so good ~Follow me, you should ~My will is strong ~I shall be gone ~Do, what you may ~But I won't stay ~Don't follow unless you mean such words ~Don't just run your mouth like the nerds ~Be the creature who speaks with such sweet action ~In which, you'll find the greatest satisfaction -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ~I never chose poetry poetry chose me~ Check out my youtube channel for my live readings of my poems and suscribe! http://www.youtube.com/user/CreepyHermitPoet
quote / posted 25 July 2010 8:51 PM
TheGentleman
(46k) Cherished Totally Cool Member Moderator	Oh my no.
quote / posted 25 July 2010 8:54 PM
WickidFreak
(158k) Loved Spank! UltraStar	pass
quote / posted 25 July 2010 9:30 PM
Dante
(386k) Adored Shoegazer	I think the problem with your poetry is two fold. The mechanics of with your rhyming scheme forces you to choose sentences which are inadequate to describe your subject matter. quote: ~With our space helmets on ~As we glow of Neon the imagery coupled with the poor rhyming just kills it. The second problem is the subject matter. While love and the relationships associated with love are complex ideas, the poem fails at making any interesting observation about the subject. ummm....I would like to leave on a positive note...but the closest thing that comes to mind is that if there was ever another Chris Gains album, this could be a song.
quote / posted 25 July 2010 10:15 PM
Dante
(386k) Adored Shoegazer	Also, unless you have a really really good reason to use it, I would avoid internet slang in your poetry. Say you are doing a poem on internet poetry making fun of internet poetry....that would be a good time to use words like 'u' and 'cuz'. People will be less incline to take your poetry seriously otherwise.
quote / posted 25 July 2010 10:18 PM
Dante
(386k) Adored Shoegazer	Oh. Okay. Then I looked you up on youtube and you creeped the fuck out of me. Take your meds.
quote / posted 25 July 2010 10:41 PM
ALittleOnTheLostSide
(266k) Adored Spank! UltraStar	Oh my jebus this is serious!
quote / posted 26 July 2010 2:49 PM
MackLovesChachi
(523k) Adored Spank! UltraStar Moderator	quote: ~Kiss me on a rainbow ~In front of creepy old Joe Lyrical fucking GENIUS. quote: ~In the bushes ~Where the cactus pushes What? What did you just say? quote: ~In the wild, tall, tall grass ~Where the path of a hobo, we cross Been on both sides of this one. I'm a fan. I would facebook "like" this.
quote / posted 26 July 2010 3:29 PM
ALittleOnTheLostSide
(266k) Adored Spank! UltraStar	quoting: MackLovesChachi I'm a fan. I would facebook "like" this. You can! Fan page
quote / posted 26 July 2010 4:07 PM
LemonDaisy
(64k) Smitten Spank! NovaStar	I think you should stick to free verse unless you have an exceptional vocabulary and also know how to wield it.
quote / posted 26 July 2010 4:32 PM
MackLovesChachi
(523k) Adored Spank! UltraStar Moderator	quoting: ALittleOnTheLostSide quoting: MackLovesChachi I'm a fan. I would facebook "like" this. You can! Fan page Mind = Blown.
quote / posted 27 July 2010 4:04 PM
MackLovesChachi
(523k) Adored Spank! UltraStar Moderator	quote: We encourage you, the reader, to take an active role in promoting what our publisher praised enthusiastically as, "The Canadian Walt Whitman." Others have likened his style to a zany mix of Lord Byron and Dr. Seuss. Whatever it may be, his is a unique voice, and Canada's only hope for poetry. What?
quote / posted 27 July 2010 4:07 PM
Dante
(386k) Adored Shoegazer	he's the Luke Skywalker of poetry.
quote / posted 27 July 2010 4:15 PM
Dante
(386k) Adored Shoegazer	OH I GET IT! IT'S NORWEGIAN DEATH METALZ
quote / posted 27 July 2010 4:18 PM
LemonDaisy
(64k) Smitten Spank! NovaStar	I went to that page. Is this the same guy, ferreal? He isn't like any of those. Like, not even a BAD version where I could be like "lol, you wish!"
quote / posted 27 July 2010 5:13 PM
tripod2000
(368k) Adored The Grand Daddy	quoting: Dante OH I GET IT! IT'S NORWEGIAN DEATH METALZ[/quote Yes, it did remind me of Borknagar.
quote / posted 28 July 2010 8:15 AM
CaptainPlanet
(43k) Cherished Spank! Star	quoting: Dante he's the Luke Skywalker of poetry. more like jar jar binks
quote / posted 28 July 2010 8:30 AM
HelloKittyGirl
(0k) k.Neutral New Member	wow if i was ta buy this i would give u $10
quote / posted 27 July 2011 9:17 PM
MackLovesChachi
(523k) Adored Spank! UltraStar Moderator	I loled.
quote / posted 29 July 2011 9:27 AM
DementedLeaf
(171k) Loved Spank! UltraStar	I've only just realised that the poet apparently wants to be kissed by someone filled with bees.
quote / posted 29 July 2011 9:31 AM

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