[This post edited by KillJoy on 26 May 2007 ]

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I lie about being sexually assaulted.

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I'm trying to get pregnant but have no intention of keeping it if I do.

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I think a lot about suicide.

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I'm actually terrified of mostly everything. I make myself do things that frighten me even if I hate it, because I would abhor having my fears affect my daily life. Moreso, I pretend to like the things I'm horrified of.

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i average 9 orgasms a day. but not because im getting laid.

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I would love nothing more than to have a child.

I've realized in the past year or two that before, while I was
completely pro-choice....now that I'm in the mindframe where I would love to,
and have tried to, have a baby I am more and more pro-life. I'm not
going to picket abortion clincs or throw molotov cocktails, but I find
myself either looking down on, being angry at, or feeling extremely sad
when people decide to have abortions, even when it's a one time accidental
pregnancy where they were using all procautions and just cannot have a
baby at the time.

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I don't love some of my family.

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Sometimes I have sexual feelings about my cousin.

I hardly ever have sex using a condom, even with people I just met.

I like hurting people's feelings.

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I tell people about my dreams to take on a very challenging career, and everyone tells me that it's possible and I'll do extremely well.

I don't want any career, even if I know I'd love it. I'd be perfectly happy marrying and becoming a housewife, and that's all I can see myself doing, even though I know my passion is really what I'm working towards.

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I already sent in a secret, but there's another one I want to tell. I can't. It's about another Spanker.

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I'm terrified of becoming my mother, and I think that's why I don't
ever want kids. I have no self confidence left, and I work myself into a
paranoia about everything from boys to school to foreign policy because
of all the negativity I get from her. I'm sick of hearing shit about
how I'm not good enough or that I've done something wrong. I'm afraid
of inflicting this miserable way of being forced to view everything on
someone else. (I'm probably going to make the rest of my life miserable
with this decision, because I'm never going to hear the end of how I'm
sinning against God by not having kids or how I'm disrespecting my
husband's wishes and needs so therefore I'm the most selfish person ever)

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I've loved a Spanker.

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I act differently around people I don't know well and want to impress,
but then I feel stupid about it later and beat myself up for a week.
I'm not going to stop, though.

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Some days, I really hate my closest friends.

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I fucking hate it when people are negative, even though I'm negative
all the time.

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I think I'm better than everybody else, with the exception of 2 people,
both of whom I didn't know before this year.

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I think I'm gay, yet I plan on getting married next year.

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I think I have cancer, but I would rather die than make my family and
friends feel sorry, or worry, about me. If I find out that I'm correct
(my doctor believes I do, but my tests aren't back yet), I'm not
telling the people around me. I will die with peace of mind that they love
me and don't just feel sorry for me. They have too much going on in
their lives already to worry about what's going on in mine.

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My weight upsets me so much that I have started abusing laxatives. I
comfort eat almost everyday even though I am happy. I don't think
anyone would expect this from me.

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I have an undying faith in humanity. I love people (and by people, I
mean people as a whole) for no reason and entirely, and the fact that it
is often rejected, unreciprocated, challenged and/or misunderstood
pulls me apart inside. It's perpetually agonizing because I can't find a
way to let or make people understand what I'm feeling.

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