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Une Question (42 posts)
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Saul
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Click for profile 		So it has come to my attention that what I may consider to be hanging out with someone to be not nearly as long as what others would. I was eating lunch with my buddy Joel, and he were swapping stories about our relative relationships. He was telling about this past weekend, and I quote, "then I said to Adam," whom he is dating, " 'I know we've been around each other for the past 12 hours, but I kind of want you to spend the night' ".

That's sort of strange to me, I guess. 12 hours around the same person, and then being nervous about asking for more time? I dunno. It's just different. For me and my boyfriend, anyway, it seems that we can go much more than that. For instance, we'll for sure see each other Mon. and Wed. for 5 hours or so, and then we'll be around each other, basically nonstop, from 3:00 pm friday until sometimes 9:00 sunday. That's more than 48 hours of nonstop...eachother. Usually, it works out great, but occasionally either of us will just be like "i need some me time" or "i need to hang out with this person for a little bit, but I'll see you later tonight".

Still...what are you and your times spent, sanely, together? When you are dating someone can you go days with never being more than 30 feet apart? For those of you who have been/are in love, do you still find yourself wanting to be alone at times, sometimes for a few days on end? Do you like relationships where you only spend time with each other on the weekends, with nothing more than chats on the weekdays, or would you rather see each other every free second possible?

I'm just trying to get a consensus on what the norm, I suppose, is.
quote / posted 02 April 2007 8:23 PM
BlueOrchid
Inactive I can spend days at a time nonstop with someone I am really comfortable with. There will still be time when I just want to be alone, but once I get it I can normally go back to tons of time... at a time.
quote / posted 02 April 2007 8:31 PM
RotaryKid
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Click for profile 		Sometimes I want alone time yeah, but I find once I get it, I'd rather be with her.

I just like having someone around, not necessarily talking or really 'hanging out'.
Even having someone in the same room as me is all I need.

So really, I have no problem with being with someone for a long period of time.
quote / posted 02 April 2007 8:34 PM
americus
Inactive How long has he been dating Adam? That could make a difference.

One time, Andrew stayed at my house for five days straight. That was mainly circumstantial because his car was in the shop, but we got along great.

We love to spend time with each other and spend the night, but sometimes we don't want to because his room is bright in the mornings, so I don't sleep well there. And then my dog likes to sleep on his side of the bed and he's afraid he'll squish her, so he doesn't sleep well here. We sleep great on vacation, so it's a matter of getting curtains and training the dog to cuddle with me instead of him. (Sleeping on the floor is not an option for my baby.)

I find that the more time I spend with him (like on weekend trips away), the more time I WANT to spend with him. I never want the weekend to end and usually tack on a dinner or something when we get back in town so it doesn't have to be over yet.

We don't have the luxury of seeing each other every single day because we don't live in the same town. It's kind of nice because it gives us time to do our individual things. I, for one, don't like the idea of having to poop at his house or while he's at my house. So like, extended visits aren't always happy times for me. I know that's a little TMI, but that's one of the reasons I like a little "me" time.
quote / posted 02 April 2007 8:37 PM
Saul
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Click for profile 		Adam and Joel have been dating for nearly two months, about a month more than Ted and I.

Sleep is a funny thing, because we both take great naps when we're together, but spending the night proves to be troublesome as his body temp changes frequently, and I tend to move a lot in my sleep, both causing both of us to wake up. I imagine that if we slep soundly at night, we'd spend more nights together (although I have to say, last week we spent four weeknights in the same bed, all at his request, which was excellent).

quote:
It's kind of nice because it gives us time to do our individual things. I, for one, don't like the idea of having to poop at his house or while he's at my house. So like, extended visits aren't always happy times for me. I know that's a little TMI, but that's one of the reasons I like a little "me" time.
Haha, no, I completely understand. I'm the same exact way, about pooing at his place.

quote:
Sometimes I want alone time yeah, but I find once I get it, I'd rather be with her.
Yeah, that's what it seems like for both of us. We'll go our seperate ways, but then the next day we'll miss each other like crazy.

quote:
I just like having someone around, not necessarily talking or really 'hanging out'.
Even having someone in the same room as me is all I need.
That actually makes me feel really good, to know that other people are like that. Ted's like that, it seems. He came over last night "to study"(didn't do a lick of that) and we ended up watching Planet Earth and some other show for a few hours. He was quiet almost the whole time, and in the past I generally saw that as meaning something was wrong or he was upset about something, but now that I know that it's normal for some people to just enjoy the presence of someone else, it helps set me at ease(if you can't tell, i'm a bit of a worrier...heh).

This great. Everyone, feel free to contribute.
quote / posted 02 April 2007 9:07 PM
RotaryKid
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Click for profile 		If I'm studying or something, I like to have someone over. They could be doing something completely different, but I just like them to be there.

Or if I'm cleaning my room, I like it if someone is in there with me even if they're not helping or talking to me, just their presence alone is nice.
quote / posted 02 April 2007 9:09 PM
BlueOrchid
Inactive Well, Mitch, in all fairness, I feelI should make mention of the "honeymoon phase" of a relationship, which is where you happen to be.
quote / posted 02 April 2007 9:10 PM
americus
Inactive I never could study with anyone else in the room. I keep talking to them.

Living alone, I do a LOT of things alone. So being alone doesn't bother me, but I also don't feel an intense need to be alone because I get it all the time.

I love when my muffin's here, but I don't need him to be here all the time and he doesn't need me to be there all the time. We keep different hours (I wake up at 7am, he wakes up at 2pm. I go to sleep before midnight, he'll stay up until 4. Professional gamblers are weird.), so at a certain point, it doesn't make a lot of sense for us to spend the night together all the time.
quote / posted 02 April 2007 9:15 PM
VermiciousKnid
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Click for profile 		What you guys are describing, where you are so at ease with someone you really don't even have to talk to each other, is what I like to call "comfortable silence." It's really hard to find someone that you enjoy being with so much that you don't have to speak to enjoy them.

As for spending a lot of time with people... it's just not do-able for me. I think a lot of it has to do with personality, and I like my alone time. For example, I like going for long drives by myself late at night and pretending no one else is on the planet. I have near freakouts in my dorm because I can't get time to myself (3 roomies = death). Recently, I spent the night at a very good friend's house. We had a grand time, had many adventures, shared a bed, slept well, but when we woke up, I NEEDED to go home for at least an hour to shower and whatnot. I could not shower there. I could not borrow his clothes (wasn't expecting to spend the night), I had to have some time to myself. It's not that I don't love the kid, it's not that I don't enjoy his company, and it had nothing to do with him, I just needed to be by myself.
quote / posted 02 April 2007 9:20 PM
RotaryKid
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Click for profile 		I go for long drives by myself at night too.
Though it's not been much as of late because of rising fuel costs.
quote / posted 02 April 2007 9:22 PM
VermiciousKnid
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Click for profile 		I feel that one, RK. Soon it will become sitting in a tent in my backyard with headphones on at night, pretending there's no one else on the planet.
quote / posted 02 April 2007 9:24 PM
RotaryKid
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Click for profile 		That could work...but the whole motion thing is what calms me the most.
I think I'd enjoy having a boat.
quote / posted 02 April 2007 9:26 PM
americus
Inactive Being on a boat at night makes me want to be there with my boyfriend.

The only time I really feel the need to be alone is if I've spent a week with my family. They just drive me nuts sometimes.
quote / posted 02 April 2007 9:30 PM
VermiciousKnid
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Click for profile 		I just love the absolute quiet of late night drives. And where I live, there really are no other cars on the road. Dirt roads, highways that are deserted by night, it's AWESOME.

It's better in the summer, because then I can have my moon roof and windows open. Though the winter is cozy with the heat blasting. Who am I kidding, it's just a glorious experience either way.
quote / posted 02 April 2007 9:31 PM
RotaryKid
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Click for profile 		This is why I love being on the motorcycle.
Pipe some headphone music in..and all you hear is that and the engine.

No phones or anything... just you and the road.
quote / posted 02 April 2007 9:32 PM
Saul
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Click for profile 		Yeah, and the alone time i completely get now. I use to have a bit of a problem with it, but then I realized that I'm pretty much the same way.

And to the honeymoon phase: indeeeed. It's great when it's good, but when it's not good it's annoying. Not that it's been bad, we've only "fought"...twice, and we've both been slammed at the time, and later realized how stupid both of us were being. He keeps making all these promises of the future, without me asking him to(ie: "when we go to houston sometime in the summer...", "we should all take a trip to Dallas one weekend soon," and, most frighteningly really, "i mean, you and me could move in together next year...but that always gets weird when couples live together". at that point I do a silent 'WHAT???") and I'm just hoping that he really does see us doing stuff like that in the future, and it's not just this phase talking, ya know?
quote / posted 02 April 2007 9:36 PM
americus
Inactive Dude, seriously, make a trip up to DFW!
quote / posted 02 April 2007 9:42 PM
Saul
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Click for profile 		haha, we will soon! I told you his uncle owns a hotel up there, so we'll be able to say there for free. If/when we do go(now that we all have fake IDs/his roomate is 21, we'll be able to drink, so going has always been an option, but now we'll have even more to do) i promise to let you know.
quote / posted 02 April 2007 9:45 PM
ghosty
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Click for profile 		I can hang out with my friends for days and weeks on end. My ex, who I loved very much, and I would hang out for a 3 or 4 days at a time when we were first together, but that sort of stopped happening after a few months once things were more worn in. I'm not very social or extroverted, I really enjoy my alone time. But I always pass it up for people who I really care about.
quote / posted 02 April 2007 9:56 PM
GirlWhoBlockedHerOwnShot
Inactive I suppose this will be interesting seeing if Forcepath posts as well. I'm curious to see how the different sides of our relationship answer this question (although I have a pretty good idea of what he'd say). For me personally, it's kind of a trade off. Throughout our entire relationship, the closest we've been to each other is an hour and half's driving distance, sometimes two. During the week we both stay at our own colleges and take care of classes, homework and some social time, and then on the weekends one of us usually makes the pilgrimmage across the state line, or we visit his parents on occasion. Personally, I kind of enjoy this kind of situation. Granted, this is the only relationship I've ever had so I'm used to it, but I think it's kind of nice. I miss him like crazy but it's nice to be able to get all my school work and whatnot done during the week so that on the weekend we can focus on each other. Part of me would love to be able to see him otherwise but part of me is content with the way things are. We keep in touch on IM all the time throughout the week and talk on the phone pretty frequently (even if it is only while walking to class or during class break). Either way, he's a constant presence in my life, and I always think about him. I don't think we've gone a day without some form of communication in the almost a year that we've been together (with the exception of the breakup, which just about killed me). I guess... For me I enjoy my alone time while I'm here at school during the week, but I'm not really alone since I keep in contact with him constantly. However, I think this is a little more condusive to me getting things done than him being here all the time because I'd want to be with him. If I could do both at the same time, I would in a heartbeat. I'd spend every moment of my time with him because he's my best friend and I like having him in my life. We've both become good friends with each other's friends and so it's easy to all get together and hang out. This is a really long response. Without much purpose. And now sentence fragments. But yes. There's an answer in there somewhere I swear.
quote / posted 02 April 2007 10:05 PM

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